“You are never more essentially yourself than when you are still.”
~ Eckhart Tolle
The past few weeks, I’ve been forced by my subconscious to sit down in stillness and reflect upon my life. I haven’t been sleeping well because the moment I close my eyes, I notice my mind rambling on and on about what I should be doing, what I should have accomplished at this time, and whether I am relevant in this world. My gosh. It was a whirlwind of “not good enoughs” and guilt-tripping.
My subconscious loves it when I sleep because it gets to speak its mind.. which made me realize that I should stop what I’m doing and give it a chance to air out its concerns while I’m awake. I wanted to have a good conversation with my subconscious so that it could stop gnawing at me when my defenses are down because I’m so darn tired at the end of the day. I guess I have been ignoring it because I didn’t want to face its tough questions. I had to learn the not-so-easy way.. by losing precious sleep and rest over it.
So I sat for a few minutes each day each week to listen, observe, and explore. It was hard at first. It was overwhelming. And it was long.. but we’re both starting to settle because I intentionally opened up some space in my life and my mind to converse.
My subconscious isn’t done yet but it’s starting to slow down. I’m grateful for the opportunity to look deeper within and listen. It’s quite frustrating at times when my subconscious decides to question my status quo but I think it’s timely. I know I’m just being guided towards what is right and more purposeful in my life.
And with that, I started to revamp and improve my site. It’s time I took it more seriously, not for anything more than just to be more open to the world. I know I keep a lot of things hidden (which is probably why my subconscious’ voice started getting louder and louder because I’ve been feeding it with the emotions and thoughts I’m keeping inside,) but it’s time now to be brave and transparent.
It’s not so much scary as it is truly uncomfortable for me but after a few weeks of ruminating, I think it’s time to be me.
So I’m “launching” my site today, http://annamanalastas.com, as a place to be more open and free.
Welcome June! I’m receptive to the lessons and experiences you have under your sleeve. 😊